how come these blog posts are getting longer and longer each time i post...
greetings once more. yes this is the best thing i have to do on this lovely saturday. i lovelovelove posting on here but i was like "oh no i shouldn't post stuff too quickly people will get annoyed" but then i realized idgaf. like thats literally why i made my website in the first place... so i can be annoying... plus i love when people i follow post stuff frequently. so ummmm yeah heres another absurdly long blog post!!!!
as you can probably tell, i'm SO burnt out on coding. everything that's been done on this site so far was done in the span of like. a few weeks if i'm not mistaken. which if you're super good at coding, that probably wouldn't be a big deal, but i'm learning as i go, so it was just a lot to be doing. i do have to say though, this is one of those instances where i'm really glad i'm not going to public school anymore (i'm homeschooled. gets hit in the face with a tomato) because I was able to dedicate so much time to learning a new hobby, especially something as complicated as coding. so yay win!!!
speaking of homeschooling though... i went homeschooled fairly recently, like december i believe. halfway through the school year... which was totally rad... (lying) but i'm glad it happened when it did because i had gym 2nd semester and that's like actual torture for someone with severe anxiety. i was also getting like semi-bullied? nobody was really consistently making fun of me to my face but nearly everybody made it pretty clear that they didn't like me. such are the consequences of being really cool, i guess... just kidding its because i'm a queer person in an overwhelmingly republican small town. which isn't to say that i don't have any support system or anything, because i do, but it just got way too overwhelming to go to the place where so many people hate me 5 days a week and be expected to do well there. (edit: this makes it sound like i was a huge loser LOL and i know it sounds like i'm lying now but i do have lots of friends. lots of weed smoking girlfriends too /ref)
anyways. i'm thinking a lot about my future, and i'm really excited. this might out me as a stinky little minor but i've never really had any idea what i want to do when i'm out of highschool. not a solid one, at least. i thought maybe i'd be like, an author or artist of some sort, but that doesn't seem realistic anymore unfortunately. fun fact, my 4th grade teacher said the big ass NOVEL that i wrote for class (for some reason? we didn't have to write that much LMAO) had him on the edge of his seat. that single comment has been the source of my writing ego since. i really want to start writing on ao3 but i'm afraid my parents will see what else is on that hellsite and not let me. that makes me sound like a toddler. no my parents just don't want me getting groomed or whatever. which is. valid. but anyways yeah i think i want to pursue computer science-y stuff in college. or maybe film?? i've always been into the behind-the-scenes of entertainment.
another thing i'm thinking about regarding my future is medically transitioning. i can't remember if i've mentioned it anywhere on here, but i'm trans! how fun. if anyone knows any nice trans-friendly countries to move to please lmk LMAO. i plan on getting out of america asap once i'm done with school and everything. but anyways a well known fact about me is that i'm fucking PETRIFIED of needles. i've tried literally everything. i remember when i had to get whatever shots before i went into 8th grade and i was literally doing like therapy on myself to be ok (spoiler: it did not work) and looking back, it literally wasn't even that bad. it didn't hurt at all, and one of the shots i had to get was like, for tetanus or something?? idk everyone was talking about how big the needle was and how bad it hurt. but it only hurt afterwards lol. but phobias aren't rooted in facts so whatever. i'm still scared of needles. stupid ape brain.
oh but back on topic. obviously you can see how being afraid of needles is going to absolutely blow when i start my transition. i don't plan on doing t as an injection, i've seen they have like gel stuff or whatever other alternatives, so i'll probably just do those. i was going to add that i'm scared of surgeries as well, but i'm not really scared of surgery itself, just the needles involved haha. so recovering from top surgery will be my BIGGEST nightmare. but i plan on getting some piercings as a kind of exposure therapy i guess? i also think the purpose of the needles will soften the blow a bit, because ultimately it's only helping me out. sorry this might be a tad tmi haha.
ummmm in my last blog post i mentioned finally being over that situationship... which sucks. crushes are so fun (unless they're like the dude that i liked. no hate he's just insane) so now i'm just really bored. and it's kind of the most difficult thing ever to meet new people since i went homeschooled (audience boos) but theres a punk show i can hopefully go to next month so maybe i'll make some friends there.
ugh omg the yappinator over here. but this is my website so i'll talk about whatever i want. sorry this is so long though. bye hope you have a nice rest of ur weekend!!!!!!
