WHERE TO?

03/08/25 (Saturday)

hi!! this is my very first blog post. how exciting!

I've been having an awesome time. yesterday I saw one of my best friends in a musical! it was super fun. I went with a mutual friend of ours, and we picked up flowers + a monster for him because he's addicted to caffeine. how fun. when we got there, I saw some friends I hadn't seen in forever so we sat with them and caught up and whatnot. the friend I had in the show said he could see the flash of my camera. oops... I didn't even get any good pictures to embarrass him with, either.

today was rad too. I hung out with my musical pal because we haven't seen each other in a while (+ another mutual friend of ours). we made some stuff out of dollar store clay, got a coffee(? it might have just been chai actually) that tasted like the christmas section of a walmart, and played uno in the most incredible (and safe... sarcasm) hangout spot I've ever seen. gotta keep it in mind for this summer... anyways musical guy won uno who cares he probably cheated I don't even care it's just a game...... they also got some beanie babies at our FAVORITE (!!!!!!) antique store because they have a crap ton of them for just 2 bucks each. I think I have like 5 already so I didn't get any new ones haha. anyways at the risk of sounding incredibly attention seeking, I hate it when people only tell the best parts of their lives online, so yeah I did end up dissociating really badly + went home early. and then I coded this wonderful page and wrote this!!!! everyone say thank you cal for scowering the interwebs for how to code those tabs up there!!! shoutout my friends for being very nice and cool and understanding about my genuinely awful stinky anxiety. they're real ones fr. I also demolished two oranges earlier while catching up on youtube stuff. very peak night activities. ok bye I need to pass out I've been up for everrrrrr goodnight.

03/26/25 (Wednesday)

ohmygod this blog page needs a new layout so bad this physically pains me to look at. but i'm gonna finish the homepage first. honestly not even sure what i'd change about this page it's so. ugh.

anyways i fear my blog posts will make it painfully clear that I only leave my house like once a week for guitar lessons (thats a huge lie i do actually have a life) so uhhh. anyways i went to guitar lessons the other day and the place i go to is also a record store (peak selection btw i got some tv girl records there a few weeks ago and i'm saving up for another) and there was a stack of free posters wahoo!!! so i grabbed one, but it's double sided and both sides are so cool. how could they do this to me. there were also two other posters with artists i've never heard of but that won't stop me from getting them next week. ughhhhh also i got a sublime record there like a million bajillion years ago and its so nasty you really can't even listen to it (cough definitely not because I didn't know how to clean it... cough...) and i've been meaning to bring it in but i keep forgetting. someone remind me to bring it next week (talking to a wall)

umm in other news. gonna get real here for a sec. I used to have a sort of situationship?? not sure if you could even call it that. it was psychological warfare. BUT good news is i've moved on!!! insert that one picture of the person breaking the handcuffs infront of a sunset. i'm over it!!! i do not want to date anybody ever because i'm way too cool. anyways i wanted to share with the class because I'm proud of myself OK MOVING ON.... throws up

the splort brainrot is back. the splotch. the squitch. i thought it was gone for good. aughhh hes taking over my brain in a sinister way!!!!!!!1 its every summer that it kicks in i swear (ignore the fact that its spring). I was planning on making a spiderverse shrine because obviously, but then i realized it would probably just be him and gwen cause they're my favorites. AND NOIR........ my beloved. but umm yeah i can't wait for the next movie to drop so people will finally remember that loser because all the fanfics about him are from 2023 and it makes me sad. insert a really good segway

i'm getting into digital art!!! i got procreate on my ipad a while ago and forgot about it but i'm back on that grind now. i'm working on some style studies on there right now woohoo!! nobody's surprised that one of them is of arcane. my goal is to improve my art before i start my next sketchbook, and i'm almost done with my current one, which i think is almost two years old?? maybe like one and a half. its literally unc. but yeah if that says anything about how motivated i am to draw... half of it isn't even drawing its just scrapbooking. like would it kill you to draw. an eye. I never draw cause i'm like "oh it won't look good, i don't even have an art style.." THEN?? GET ONE????? ugh so i started studying anatomy. and i mean studying as in like. the loosest of terms. just figure drawings mostly but thats fine.

okok i'm done procrastinating i have to go work now. sigh off to the mines i go. puts on a hardhat and grabs a comically large pickaxe and walks away slowly hanging my head. bye bye!!!!!

03/29/25 (Saturday)

how come these blog posts are getting longer and longer each time i post...

greetings once more. yes this is the best thing i have to do on this lovely saturday. i lovelovelove posting on here but i was like "oh no i shouldn't post stuff too quickly people will get annoyed" but then i realized idgaf. like thats literally why i made my website in the first place... so i can be annoying... plus i love when people i follow post stuff frequently. so ummmm yeah heres another absurdly long blog post!!!!

as you can probably tell, i'm SO burnt out on coding. everything that's been done on this site so far was done in the span of like. a few weeks if i'm not mistaken. which if you're super good at coding, that probably wouldn't be a big deal, but i'm learning as i go, so it was just a lot to be doing. i do have to say though, this is one of those instances where i'm really glad i'm not going to public school anymore (i'm homeschooled. gets hit in the face with a tomato) because I was able to dedicate so much time to learning a new hobby, especially something as complicated as coding. so yay win!!!

speaking of homeschooling though... i went homeschooled fairly recently, like december i believe. halfway through the school year... which was totally rad... (lying) but i'm glad it happened when it did because i had gym 2nd semester and that's like actual torture for someone with severe anxiety. i was also getting like semi-bullied? nobody was really consistently making fun of me to my face but nearly everybody made it pretty clear that they didn't like me. such are the consequences of being really cool, i guess... just kidding its because i'm a queer person in an overwhelmingly republican small town. which isn't to say that i don't have any support system or anything, because i do, but it just got way too overwhelming to go to the place where so many people hate me 5 days a week and be expected to do well there. (edit: this makes it sound like i was a huge loser LOL and i know it sounds like i'm lying now but i do have lots of friends. lots of weed smoking girlfriends too /ref)

anyways. i'm thinking a lot about my future, and i'm really excited. this might out me as a stinky little minor but i've never really had any idea what i want to do when i'm out of highschool. not a solid one, at least. i thought maybe i'd be like, an author or artist of some sort, but that doesn't seem realistic anymore unfortunately. fun fact, my 4th grade teacher said the big ass NOVEL that i wrote for class (for some reason? we didn't have to write that much LMAO) had him on the edge of his seat. that single comment has been the source of my writing ego since. i really want to start writing on ao3 but i'm afraid my parents will see what else is on that hellsite and not let me. that makes me sound like a toddler. no my parents just don't want me getting groomed or whatever. which is. valid. but anyways yeah i think i want to pursue computer science-y stuff in college. or maybe film?? i've always been into the behind-the-scenes of entertainment.

another thing i'm thinking about regarding my future is medically transitioning. i can't remember if i've mentioned it anywhere on here, but i'm trans! how fun. if anyone knows any nice trans-friendly countries to move to please lmk LMAO. i plan on getting out of america asap once i'm done with school and everything. but anyways a well known fact about me is that i'm fucking PETRIFIED of needles. i've tried literally everything. i remember when i had to get whatever shots before i went into 8th grade and i was literally doing like therapy on myself to be ok (spoiler: it did not work) and looking back, it literally wasn't even that bad. it didn't hurt at all, and one of the shots i had to get was like, for tetanus or something?? idk everyone was talking about how big the needle was and how bad it hurt. but it only hurt afterwards lol. but phobias aren't rooted in facts so whatever. i'm still scared of needles. stupid ape brain.

oh but back on topic. obviously you can see how being afraid of needles is going to absolutely blow when i start my transition. i don't plan on doing t as an injection, i've seen they have like gel stuff or whatever other alternatives, so i'll probably just do those. i was going to add that i'm scared of surgeries as well, but i'm not really scared of surgery itself, just the needles involved haha. so recovering from top surgery will be my BIGGEST nightmare. but i plan on getting some piercings as a kind of exposure therapy i guess? i also think the purpose of the needles will soften the blow a bit, because ultimately it's only helping me out. sorry this might be a tad tmi haha.

ummmm in my last blog post i mentioned finally being over that situationship... which sucks. crushes are so fun (unless they're like the dude that i liked. no hate he's just insane) so now i'm just really bored. and it's kind of the most difficult thing ever to meet new people since i went homeschooled (audience boos) but theres a punk show i can hopefully go to next month so maybe i'll make some friends there.

ugh omg the yappinator over here. but this is my website so i'll talk about whatever i want. sorry this is so long though. bye hope you have a nice rest of ur weekend!!!!!!

04/01/25 (Tuesday)

HIIIIII!!!!!!

ok I'm seriously so proud of myself with this page. I literally did this in TWO DAYS... unheard of. for me atleast because I suck at coding in a big way. but anyways. LOOK AT MY COOL NEW FONT!!!!!! it took forever because apparently I've never used a computer before???? and I had SO much fun making the little gif of my journal opening... thats my real desk!!!!!! also you can't really tell because I had to crop it, but thats snoopy in the top left haha. also happy april fools!!!

ok this morning I had a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast and its the happiest I've ever been. it was so fire. and last night I grabbed some more of those free posters, and I also got a free pin!!! I love free stuff. I put the pin on my little snoopy.

ummm not much else to talk about, just wanted to add something here in honor of the new blog page!!! woohoo!!!!!!!! everyone say congratulations to me RIGHT NOW. ok byeee!!!!!!! :D

heres an image. for your troubles

04/05/25 (Saturday)
life is cool sometimes actually

hi hello hiii!!!!!! I have so much to talk about!!!!!!!!

ok today was so awesome. i rearranged some stuff in my room and i really like it. i also changed my sheets + pillowcases from spiderman to minecraft... can you guess why. i'm sure you're on the edge of your seat... i went to see the minecraft movie with a friend and it was so much fun. i was really scared it would be bad and make me suddenly hate one of my favorite things, but it was actually the most fun i've had in a long time. part of the reason for that was probably that we saw it in 4D. which is like... the seats shake and stuff like that. that is such an understatement because when the one guy gets his buttcheeks grabbed i FELT IT IN MY SEAT.... crazy. but that was so fun because we never knew when the stuff was coming.

but anyways i'm really glad i asked my friend to go with me because it was probably the best hangout ever. obviously nobodys expecting the minecraft movie to be groundbreaking cinema so everybody was whispering the whole time. we kept saying "erm actually..." when they did something you can't do in the game. on our nerd shit fr. and when jack black would say his stupid little lines the whole theater said them and it was actually so awesome. im not even kidding i think the entire theater said chicken jockey. also sorry spoilers but when they said "we're mining... we're crafting... we're minecrafting!" or whatever that was my favorite scene.

something i realized tonight though was that my life is genuinely full of so much joy and love, and i really just kind of ignore it a lot. i hardly ever make plans to see friends, i never try new things, i never get out of my comfort zone... but i feel like i kind of did that tonight? ish? and i'm really glad i did. i complain alot about how monotonous my life has been getting (even though i LOVE my routine, it gets old) but i never really do anything about it.

"but how ever will you accomplish this in your day to day life?" asks my millions of devoted fans. and my answer is i watched eddy burback's video about getting rid of his phone and i think that'll solve all my problems i guess. i've already kind of distanced myself from my phone, i mostly just use my computer if i need to go online for anything, but i don't really use it anymore for the most part. and honestly i feel way better than i used to. i'm atleast a few months clean on posting to my snap story. i think this summer i might try using one of those tacky flip phones they have at dollar stores for a while and see how it goes. also obviously i know getting rid of my smartphone won't fix my life, but i feel like its such a big factor in why i feel like my life is boring.

ok consider this next bit my little manifesto for this summer (hopefully putting this online will motivate me to actually do this...) : i'm going to stop using my phone so often and find alternatives to stuff, like bringing my digicam around instead of my phone to take pictures. i'm gonna try to make plans at least once a week, and leave the house at least once a day. i'm gonna try to be outside as often as i can, because every winter i get upset i didn't enjoy the nice weather while it lasted. i'm gonna try to read atleast a few books, nothing crazy i just need to start reading more. maybe write an essay or something every now and then. i also want to start posting some of my essays on here maybe? maybe not i dunno yet.

in other news i think i'm gonna make a little blog schedule. i'm thinking sundays or like wednesday maybe. but then i'm afraid it'll feel like a chore. like "oh i forgot i have a blog post due today..." or something and i just want to make sure it stays fun. so maybe i'll just keep posting like, 3 days in a row and then forget for like a week. who knows...

breaking news: local teen hangs out with his friend and realizes his life doesn't suck. whatever. steve and garrett are inlove i saw it with my own two eyes. byebye have a nice rest of your weekend!!!

04/11/25 (Friday)
locking in and acting normal + chill

hello!!! i have that one pitbull video stuck in my head. life is not a waste of time and time is not a waste of life so lets stop wasting time get wasted and have the time of our lives. and then the guy in the background goes "hell yeah pitbull!" i love that video. ok onto the serious business at hand...

I'm going genuinely insane. this happens around this time every year, like right before summer. as soon as it starts getting nice outside I go rabid with wanting to change my entire life. ok that might be a bit of an overstatement. usually I'll make a new playlist, get some new clothes maybe, rearrange my room, change my phone wallpaper or something... that kind of stuff. but I fear this may be The Big One. I might get a crazy haircut who knows I'm out of control. I want to start talking to more people and meet new friends and have fun I guess??? not that I don't always feel like that, I just think about it a lot more around this time. it'll probably wear off by the time school starts next year.

speaking of school... I'm pretty sure I've probably mentioned being homeschooled like atleast 76 different times on here, but I'm really starting to hate it. I mean I don't hate actual homeschooling, I just hate being lonely. but next year I think I'll be doing the homeschooling program that my school district offers, where you go in-person for electives and do the regular junk like math and science online. it sounds pretty nice, because one major reason I went homeschooled in the first place was because every single class I had, it was impossible to focus. I wish I was kidding, but my grade is known to be the worst. teachers fear us LOL. not me though I'm chill... but the ones that contribute to that reputation make class unbearable. I seriously could NOT get shit done. but I think it would totally help if I could do that stuff at home or in a more controlled environment rather than in the noisiest room possible. it would be nice to be learning the same stuff as everyone else too, it sucks having to ask "so ummm what are you guys learning in math rn..." also I really miss electives. I went homeschooled at the end of the 1st semester, and I was supposed to be a TA for a computer class or something idk. but it was with my favorite teacher and I'm so sad. she literally lets her TAs be on their phone the whole time too... ugh what the cuss.

ok on to everybodys favorite segment... life updates woo! I went to the library with a friend yesterday and it was rad. I tried playing papas cheeseria but it wouldn't load so I just worked on my new about me page (which is almost done I think???). I have a friend that works at the library and she's into making zines and stuff so she made a little zine library and it's the cutest. and she's having a zine-making like... class I guess? I dunno but it sounds fun and I'm going. very excited. we also ran into some of my other friends who were there studying because they're taking exams right now.

I think tomorrow I'm gonna get some posters printed because I can never have enough posters, and thennn maybe go to the mall? who knows. I'm also getting a corkboard FINALLY I've been wanting one forever they're so fun. very busy week indeed... also I get my sublime record back on monday yay! I guess the record is completely fine and my player is just a piece of shit LOL. what the heck.

ok that is all have a nice weekend bye!!!!!!!!!!!

04/18/25 (Friday)
truly in my zone

HELLO ALL.... today is awesome. I slept in but that was chill cause it's good friday so no school. how convenient! every friday me and my mom go to our local coffee place thing so we did that. I meant to try something other than my regular order but I forgor. next time for sure... (i've been saying that for 2 months) anyway i think i've written about them on here before, but for christmas last year my friend got me those silly socks that have magnets and hold hands. and i wore those today with my jorts and mellon collie shirt. and of course my beloved green converse!!!!!!! they're my favorite shoes ever probably. thennn we got home and watched awkward, and I'm SO pissed off at this show. we're on s3 ep 13 or something like that. i cannot stand how stupid jenna is truly. anyways that brings me to: i kind of might want to start doing daily blog posts and then they'll be shorter. but i also really don't want to do that. cause yeah its like "wow a blog entry every day! that'll be interesting to look back on for memories!" but like. i already journal every day for that exact reason, so it's totally overkill to do that on here too. ok whatever onto the stuff

I've been under the impression that my switch wouldn't connect to my tv cause it's roku for MONTHS. but literally all I had to do was hook it up to the tv AND the charger. I'm such a technology wiz guys trust. anyways now i can play animal crossing on my tv! and fortnite and stardew valley and mariokart and this is going to be detrimental to my sleep schedule oh god. so yeah thats my plans for tonight! animal crossing on tha tv, smashing pumpkins siamese dream on tha cd player, string lights ACTIVATED, gaming mode ACTIVATED, jorts ON, fun snack and beverage IN HAND, etc etc. this is so peak. before that though I'm gonna sew myself another domo keychain. yesterday(? maybe it was wednesday) i made a regular domo keychain but now I'm making a zombie one cause he's so cute I love him.

i'm super excited cause tomorrow my friend (who I haven't seen in foreverrrrr) is coming over and we're redecorating my room!!! since last time i posted, i went to the mall and got a few posters for my room. i also got some fun prints from walgreens. i've said this before but i'm truly sorry to whatever minimum wage walgreens employee had to print out my house md poster. you deserve financial compensation. ok anyways! i also went to hobby lobby and got not only a corkboard, but also a whiteboard!!! they're so fun i already put stuff on em even though they aren't even on my wall yet. gotta enlist my dad to do that later today maybe. family bonding activity: do me a favor! just kidding i love my family and stuff

ok I might totally regret saying anything about this but i think i MIGHT be starting a really cool and awesome project soon. not sure if I'll plug it anywhere but stay tuned for sure in case i do..... i also really want to re-design my website which will probably take forever so the aforementioned awesome project definitely won't be done for a HOT minute. lmk if ur interested in hearing about my ideas for the site cause i'd lovee to share, i think its gonna be so awesome when it's done!

ok that is all for now..... goodbye have a splendid weekend and easter!!!!! eat lots of raw eggs!!!!!!!!!

05/05/25 (Monday)
cha cha cha changes

helloooooo hiiiii heyyyy!!!!!!!! i genuinely forgor about this for a minute. how terrifying. happy cinco de mayo!!!!!!!!!!!

last week i came to the most spooky realization. I've become the person I always dreamed about being when I was little. what thw fuck. the thing that really made me notice how much I've changed recently was when I started learning for fun. just doing extra school shit cause I was bored and I wanted to. what?????????? and yeah sorry i know i mention being homeschooled in every single blog post BUT i think it's genuinely made me a better person???? all I needed was a single semester to myself and all of a sudden I'm completely different. like out of nowhere I decided to finally learn how to code because it's something I've always wanted to do. I get up at 6 every day and have breakfast just cause I feel like it. not to mention I'm finally medicated, and that's definitely helped me not have heart attacks when I go in public. i'm just so mcuh more confident in myself and it's rad.

ok onto life updates woo. I hung out with my friend last-last friday and that was cool, had lots of funnnn. we got one of those toy dentist thingies from the dollar store and fucked it up majorly. poor guy lost all his teeth when he bit the curb... then on saturday there was a zine workshop thingy at the library so i had to go. my friend was gonna come with but he got sick :( so i did the unthinkable... i went in public. by myself. for the first time. and the crowd goes wild!!!! anyway i was the only one who showed up to the zine thing. which suckss but it was run by my friend so we just hung out and made stuff. she even helped me print out a cool zine i found online! after that i went with my parents to walmart to get my dad's diabetic dog's insulin. very fun. while we were there i somehow convinced my mom to let me get two plants. i got a small succulent named marilyn and i got her a star shaped pot, and i got a hanging plant (i forgor what kind) and his name is walt. he wasn't lookin too hot when i brought him home (his leaves were all dry and cracking), so we stuck him near a window and made sure to keep him hydrated and he's looking much better now, so i'll be able to move him into my room finally! but i have to get him a pot because the one i have is too small. this weekend i got two more plants for some reason??? because my parents got a ton of plants for our front yard so they let me get some. i got another succulent named neil patrick harris and an unnamed money tree. not sure what to name her. shes a butch lesbian i've decided. oh and today me and my mom were just doing whatever and ended up at hobby lobby and i got clay!!!!!! and some blind bags. i got spiderman, snoopy, and minecraft keychains yippee!!

srry i realize thats a huge ass paragraph but i'm not gonna go back and fix it cause i have guitar lessons soon and i wanna post this cause i'm busy later. erm not much else to talk about just doing really freaking awesome and cool stuff and having fun and whatever. go watch the media of the whenever because its rreally cool i love izzzyzzz ok bye